When Will It Get Easier?

When will it get easier?

A question I have been asking myself a lot lately.

This last week especially.

I know from the outside it looks like everything is pretty sweet. I have published two books this year and have traveled around the country & started in Ausie. I am also now training new consultants and am working on book number five.

It does not mean though that things have not gone according to plan or that things are not a struggle.

I have been on the road for the best part of three months. I wish I could tell you how many things goes wrong behind the scenes with our events. How difficult people can be to work with and how they try and press you for every single dollar. When you run a business from the ground up with no mortgage to float you every dollar indeed does count. We had to change our Wellington event with a weeks notice because the Golf Club double booked with a wedding, were wanting to charge us the same for a different room AND they wanted to charge us for catering despite it being originally agreed to that they would not – simply to provide tea and coffee to tired parents. To quote ‘perhaps you just need to find another venue’ when I asked if they would go LIVE on my page to say that they just hang up the phone – this is the type of challenges we deal with – yes it’s part of doing business but it does not mean it is not HARD.

I am STILL fighting the publishers for book number five. Everything is a fight with them. You may not know this but as an author I buy my books off them to sell - before I have sold the books. I am yet again I am in the position of working on a book without a finalised contract. Without knowing if we can pull it off, but also knowing my deadline is still looming which if I don’t make then my book will not get published at all.

The same challenges of time and money have meant that we have hit more road blocks with setting up Dr Julie’s Kitchen. I wanted this off the ground in March – it is now November and while we are closer we are not there yet.

This is hard, really hard.

I have to resist not indulging in the ‘if only’s’. I am not afraid of hard work but just need a lucky break somewhere. It feels like I am just up against everything all the time.

To top everything off, this week we had a second month of failure trying to our third baby. I got my period on Thursday after we also put off seeing our fertility specialist on Wednesday because – time and money – and of course now wondering if we made the right choice with that.

Wondering what is next.

I have been away on one of my working mum retreats for the last few days. At first I did not want to go away again but I did really need the space to try and process a lot of this.

Part of me just wanted to scream and cry.

I have worked so darn hard this year.

When oh when will it get easier?

I guess no one can really answer that question.

Times like these I certainly miss the wisdom that you would perhaps get from your parents or grandparents. I am really grateful for all my boys right now because I feel like they are keeping me going.

Giving me hope.

And you guys are all part of this too. All your messages that cut through the horrible ones I get – out weighs everything.

I am sure one day I will look back on this time, but right now everything just hurts and I think I just need to let it hurt for it bit.

x Dr Julie