Helping Children Say “No” to a Food – Respectfully

We’ve all heard it before:

“Ew.”
“Yuck.”
“That’s disgusting.”

While these reactions are 'common' for children, they are not how we would like children to express their thoughts and feelings around food offered. It can make mealtimes tense and discourage the cook (especially when you’ve spent your precious evening juggling pots, homework help, and toddler bath time!).

In my latest podcast episode, I unpack how we can guide our children to express their preferences about food without shutting it down in a negative way. This is not about forcing children to like everything, but about giving them the skills to communicate politely and thoughtfully — an important life skill that goes far beyond the dinner table.

Why Words Matter

When children blurt out “yuck” or “gross,” it can feel hurtful to the person who made the meal — and it closes the door to curiosity. Instead, we want to help them pause and find words that acknowledge their feelings while still showing respect.

Simple swaps can make a huge difference:

• “This isn’t my favourite.”

• “I don’t feel like eating this today.”

• “This is not for me" (this one I have used with my boys personally).

By modelling and teaching these phrases, we not only create a calmer mealtime atmosphere but also help children develop social awareness and empathy.

Involving Children in the Process

One of the most powerful ways to reduce mealtime pushback is to involve children in food preparation from a young age. Even toddlers can contribute in small but meaningful ways:

• Flick through a recipe book and choose a meal to try.

• Point out and name vegetables in my My First Vegetables book.

• Stir a bowl, tear lettuce leaves, or sprinkle cheese on top of a dish.

As children get older, these contributions can grow — chopping vegetables, measuring ingredients, even cooking a simple meal themselves. The more ownership they feel in the process, the more open they tend to be when the plate lands in front of them - along with deep respect for the process.  

While this seems simple in theory - you may find that you have different values around this between yourself and those in you primary parenting unit - I explain this more in the podcast but it's an important step that we often overlook when it comes to setting up our family expectations around food. 

A Skill That Grows With Them

Helping your child learn how to say, “I don’t like this,” respectfully is not a one-and-done conversation. It’s a skill they will practise (and sometimes forget!) over many mealtimes. Pairing that with active participation in the family’s food preparation builds confidence, responsibility, and a sense of belonging.

It's not easy but it's so worth it and I have seen this first hand with my boys - contributing is just part of our little tribe life - it hasn't always been easy to set up but watching them now, able to cook a meal, make their lunches the night before and just do their normal daily jobs is everything.

I dive deeper into this topic, with real-life examples and practical scripts, in my latest podcast episode — and if you want even more strategies to guide your toddler’s eating journey, my best-selling book The Nourished Toddler has a full chapter on mealtime language and involvement.

Because food is more than just fuel — it’s connection, communication, and care.

x Dr Julie